We live in a fallen world where people make promises and then change their minds. Many women enter relationships with hopes and dreams riding on the sweet words their partner whispered into their ear speaking of a grand future together. Women are especially vulnerable because most times they want to love and support their man, they want companionship through to the end of life. Men tend to hold the power especially as we all become older. Noble men wield their power for the benefit and protection of their women. Selfish men seek to use their power to their advantage as a means to manipulate as many women as possible. Unfortunately, we have more selfish men in the world than we have noble ones and they leave a trail of broken hearts that don’t always heal properly in their wake.
Hyper-independence is a fruit borne on the tree of disappointment. Having been let down or seeing other loved ones struggle because someone failed to keep their word. Some women tell themselves “I can do bad all by myself” meaning I don’t need a man to live my best life. This bears within women the need to take care of themselves and the tendency to sabotage the relationship they truly desire.
Interdependence is crucial if we desire to experience a deep and happy connection with our spouse. Without interdependence we become just 2 people doing our own thing, going in our own directions, living as roommates instead of lovers. Each person should be very intentional about making themselves a necessary part of their partner’s life.
Without interdependence, the relationship is much more likely to fail because the connection isn’t strong enough to withstand conflict.
The Effect of Independence on Polarity
In our current society, more and more women are being trained and encouraged to be independent. This dogma is being reinforced by the failure of the men in their lives who just don’t show up for their women the way their women need them to. Many women have been hardened and so even men who do have the mind and the means to show up for their woman in a particular way will often get resistance from her because she is afraid of being let down again.
Polarity in a relationship between a man and his woman is all about both operating in their God-given roles and showing up as their gender identifies them. So, the male shows up as masculine and the female as feminine. The more the man gives his masculinity, and the woman gives her femininity the sweeter the relationship feels to both individuals. Just as positive and negative poles on magnets attract each other, masculinity and femininity attract the opposite sexes.
Masculinity from a man is confidence, logic, responsible, protecting, goal and action-oriented. The man should provide assurance, safety and sustenance for his woman. Femininity from a woman is trusting, respectful, playful, gentle, soft and support-oriented. The woman should provide comfort, peace, support and encouragement to her man. Now it isn’t all black and white, because men need to bring feminine traits to their women from time to time such as gentleness and empathy (see Ephesians 5). Women need to bring masculine traits as well such as being reliable and hard-working (see Proverbs 31). The loss of polarity occurs when men show up more feminine than masculine and/or women show up more masculine than feminine.
Polarity is severely affected in today’s world primarily because both genders work to provide for themselves. The naturally occurring expectation is that the person who earns more should contribute more to the financial management of the home. With more women excelling in the education system than men, we have more women qualified for high-paying job positions. Yet the desire for companionship and family growth doesn’t leave us just because times have changed. As humans, our innate desires remain through generations. A woman needs to feel cared for to bear healthy and happy children and a man needs to feel respected and supported to earn more than either of them could earn on their own.
Women who bear the burden of the masculine role more than the feminine role will bring more masculine energy to their men. They will be combative, bossy, strong-willed and disrespectful because they believe their earning capacity gives them the right to lead and be in control. Such an attitude from a woman will not sit well with a masculine man. He will retaliate or leave her. Men who show up more feminine than masculine will be soft and compliant, they will place more reliance on their woman to get things done where accomplishing the family’s mission and vision are concerned. Such behaviour will irritate the feminine woman. She will lose respect and desire for him, resulting in her being unfaithful or leaving him.
How does polarity loss affect your sex life?
The lack of polarity between the masculine and feminine results in both men and women competing to be masculine or feminine. If both are masculine this will result in multiple heated and possibly violent arguments and therefore a breakdown in attraction especially from man to woman. If both are feminine it will result in apathy setting in, there will be a drifting that occurs between them and a breakdown in attraction especially from woman to man.
Unfortunately, this isn’t taught in schools, fewer and fewer people are getting married and staying married to demonstrate the dance of polarity between husbands and wives. Therefore, fewer people are aware. It is the lack of awareness that is killing us. Many marriages could be saved if the couples had language to explain accurately how they feel and what each person needs to do to restore their relationship. Without polarity, there is no magnetic pull which is necessary for the man to come to his woman and the woman to come to her man every single time they need a release of sexual tension within their bodies.
If they are not turning toward each other they are likely turning toward other people, porn and/or self-pleasure. This tends to make matters worse an affair breaks trust and eradicates safety. Porn and self-pleasure deadens the desire and passion one has toward their partner especially if their partner is often resistant or seemingly uninterested. The masculine man doesn’t want to pursue and ravage a masculine woman, and the feminine woman feels no urge to bring her juicy, seductive and sensual essence to a feminine man. So, marriages often drift into sexlessness because one or both individuals are not intentional about showing up as masculine or as feminine as possible.
What can couples do to restore their connection?
Men and women need to be more intentional about aligning with their gender roles. It may sound archaic here in 2024 but the old-fashioned ways worked much better than what we have today. A relationship can’t flourish when both people are being independent of each other. What is there to truly appreciate about the other person’s presence in your life if they add no value?
A way in which a man can make himself more necessary in his woman’s life is to take off her hands the need to cover certain expenses. A way in which a woman can make herself more necessary in her man’s life is to cover certain household responsibilities. Let it not be that only one of you is feeling the burden of the work that is necessary to keep your lives afloat. This will breed resentment which will lead to mistreatment from the worker to the seemingly lazy person.
Another way both men and women can restore their connection is by praying and doing devotions together. The masculine role of the man is to teach his wife the scriptures and guide how the scriptures play out in their lives together. They can also exercise together. Weight training is a great way to keep the body healthy and looking good. Men especially are drawn to the feminine figure. The more curvaceous a woman can make herself through diet and exercise the more her man will desire and pursue her.
Both men and women often tend to let themselves go after vows are exchanged. Or they decide that improving their physique is too much work so their partner should just accept what they are giving. Then they are hurt or surprised that they no longer have a pulling effect on their partner. There are many people to whom physical attractiveness does not matter, but it surely matters to most men. Ladies I know it takes a lot of effort but if your marriage is worth it to you, please work out with your husband and be mindful of what you eat.
Closing Remarks
One of my favourite scriptures in the Bible is Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Verses 5-11 gives more detail regarding how and why we should do verses 3-4. I tell you, if we all truly grasp and live out this scripture toward our spouses and our spouses toward us, we will all have happier marriages. Let everything, we do be done with our spouse in mind. Let’s do it because we know they would appreciate it. Let’s do it because we know they will benefit; Let’s do it because we know they NEED it.
My brother your wife needs you to take care of her as you take care of yourself, so you need to take the need to care for herself off of her shoulders. My sister your husband needs you to respect and support him, he also needs you to be as attractive as you can be for him. Both genders have work to do. A building only becomes dilapidated if the owners make no effort to maintain it. In the same way, your marriage only becomes dilapidated if one or both of you put in no effort to meet each other’s needs. Don’t be lazy. I hope this article was insightful for you. This is the WORST RELATIONSHIP ADVICE EVER you certainly should not take my advice unless it makes sense in some weird way.
Blessings to you and your family.
Sincerely,
Darren Salmon
This piece was written and contributed by our PAJE Writer! Remember to show your support by liking, sharing and commenting!
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