We have so far looked at Unconditional Love, Intimacy, Friendship and Unwavering Commitment as relationship foundation ingredients. Those four should be sufficient right? Is Jesus really a necessary component? If he was why are some non-Christians having successful relationships? Why are people who don’t pray and read the Bible every day having happy and healthy relationships? If salvation is a necessary component of living a victorious life. Why are some of the unsaved seemingly victorious regardless?
Maybe, it’s because Jesus is Lord of All whether we accept it or not, so it doesn’t matter what religion a couple subscribes to. Maybe it’s because his principles transcend religious boundaries, so non-Christians who apply his principles are better off than the Christians who don’t. Maybe, it’s because the Lord causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust (Matt 5:45) and saying the sinner’s prayer doesn’t automatically make you able to produce a happy and healthy relationship. Jesus Christ has been teaching us his ways from the beginning of time. The Bible outlines our instructions, but not everyone will take heed. Not even all the people who are baptized and attend church every Sunday will obey God’s word. Unfortunately, not everyone will get it but that doesn't negate the fact that the evangelical work needs to happen. Because as we scatter seeds, we don’t know who the good soil will be. The good soil will not only soak up the word but also bear fruit.
The Way, The Truth and the Life
When God made man in the beginning, He made us in His image. After he made everything else and called it all good, He said it was not good for man to be alone. So, He made a person for the man who would have been a suitable companion and helper. God desired for man to be in healthy and happy relationships just like he has within the trinity. However, because they ate the forbidden fruit sin became a thing.
Since then, God has been seeking to restore the relationship between himself and us. He has given us commandments to follow, and if we follow them we will live in right relationship with him and each other. However, these commandments do not come pre-programmed into our brains. Rather what is pre-programmed are selfishness and pride. These two attitudes are at the very core of all sin and are the ultimate enemy of love.
God has tried cleansing the Earth with a great flood, He has tried giving dominion of the Earth to his chosen people who were supposed to be holier than everyone else. He has tried punishment and rituals for cleansing. Yet sin still prevailed because people have freedom of choice and innate curiosity. Jesus Christ Is God’s ultimate answer to the sin epidemic. It’s as if God said to himself, “Since fear of my power and authority is not enough to keep these humans in line let me tangibly teach them and show them grace and compassion instead.
Boy oh boy how this ultimate act of God has made a difference in how we live now. Our culture today is a direct result of God no longer requiring animal sacrifices and the death penalty for telling a lie or stealing. This has had both a positive and negative effect in my opinion. But we have hope and power because Jesus came lived to adulthood, died a slow and gruesome death and then rose again. There is nothing He can’t do, there is no relationship He can’t fix. However, it requires BOTH man and woman to submit to HIS WAY, HIS TRUTH and HIS LIFE. Jesus Christ is the blueprint. He is the example for BOTH husband and wife to follow.
Jesus and Marriage
Jesus lived to see the age of 33 yet He never married. It’s not that he couldn’t attract a suitable woman I mean this man had women swooning. One woman even washed his feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. If a woman did that for me, I certainly would not let her out of my site. Jesus certainly had more game than any other man who has ever walked the Earth. Yet he did not marry. Hmmm I wonder why. I hypothesise that he was here on a mission from God. To marry a woman knowing he was going to die at a young age would have been selfish and unthoughtful. So, he stayed focused on his mission and the bigger prize, the salvation of the world.
I believe Jesus is an important ingredient for your relational foundation because he is the ultimate demonstration of love. In John 15:13 He says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Essentially there is no greater love than the act of sacrifice. A person can say “I love you” a million times, they can buy you food, and gifts and take you on trips, they can make you laugh and share with you their deepest vulnerabilities. The only evidence of the depth of their love for you is how much they have sacrificed for you.
In many relationships today people are loving each other out of convenience. Why? Because it’s easier and we often see each other as replaceable. So, if someone won’t accept our bare minimum effort, we are ok with finding someone else who will. Many people are walking around with this “I am the prize” idea in their heads. So, they don’t feel as if they should put sweat and effort into their relationships. There is an air of entitlement that prevails in this generation. It causes us to disregard the intrinsic value of each person regardless of whether they meet our criteria or not. So, when our relationships experience conflict the first thought that pops into our minds is to throw this person away and move on to the next. We do this over and over not realizing we are damaging the aspect of ourselves that makes us able to form strong bonds with people.
God married the Israelites and regardless of how many times they disappointed Him he maintained his commitment to them. The church is the bride of Christ and there is NOTHING we can do to separate ourselves from God’s love for us. Your love for someone is not truly tested until you have to forgive them of a major offence. Until you spend millions of dollars on their education or business. Your love for someone is not true until you see it necessary to forsake your desires just to keep them in your life. There is no greater love than sacrifice.
Jesus is the Blueprint
Jesus is the ultimate example of how a husband is to love his wife and a wife is to love her husband. Effort is the only evidence of interest. Once a person stops putting effort into their relationship with you, they are saying “I am no longer interested, you are no longer worth my energy and time.” When this happens, it becomes 10 times harder to keep the relationship going.
You must make sacrifices now and then for your partner. A sacrifice is not a sacrifice if it doesn’t hurt. If it is easy or convenient it is not a sacrifice. Sacrificial love hits your partner’s heart in a very powerful way and makes their endearment to you even stronger. It is the sacrifices our parents make for us that cause us to feel obligated to them. This feeling solidifies our connection to them. The same connection is needed in our marriages, but that connection cannot be fostered if every act of love you give and receive in our relationship is EASY.
Are you willing to die for your partner? I pose this question to both men and women. Often men are expected to die for women and children. However, this expectation causes people to undermine the intrinsic value of men. It perpetuates the entitlement of women which in turn leaves men feeling as if they do not matter as much as women. This feeling of being expendable can push men into depression and may be a contributing factor where male suicide rates are concerned. But we were both made in the image and likeness of God, and both of us are called as Christians to love as Christ loves. So, while I agree with male headship and that gender roles are a part of God’s prescription for marriage. I believe being a follower of Christ takes priority over all else.
This means BOTH husband and wife are to love each other just as Jesus has loved us (John 13:34-35). There is no relationship harder than a one-sided relationship, where either the man or the woman feels as if they care more and are putting in more effort than the other person. Ladies, your husband needs your respect, yes, but he also needs your love and compassion. Before you are wife you are Christian. Men your wives need your protection and provision be she also needs your heart and soul connected with hers. She needs your emotional vulnerability to feel as if you are in this thing with her and not just a tool or robot.
Closing Remarks
Jesus Christ came and showed us how to live, we are without excuse. Marriage requires both people dying to themselves. It cannot be just the man dying or just the woman dying. It must be both at the same time. This is best demonstrated through sacrifice. Wives If your husband enjoys playing video games and you don’t, make the sacrifice to play games with him It will strengthen your bond. Husbands your wife may love to watch cheesy Hallmark movies. Make the sacrifice to watch the cheesy movies with her, this act will strengthen your bond and give you more to interact over. Wives and husbands see your duty to your spouse as a privilege and not a burden.
Some single people would love to be in your position. I know sometimes it feels like a drag, but feelings aren’t facts, they come and go like the tide. Your actions are what count. Love is an action word and there is no greater love than for someone to lay down their life for their friend. Your partner should be your best friend. There is no one on Earth more deserving of your sacrificial love than them. If you would like to see me speak on this topic click on the video below:
I hope this article was helpful and enlightening. In my next article, I’ll be exploring what relationships look like when one or two foundational ingredients are missing. This is THE WORST RELATIONSHIP ADVICE EVER. You definitely should not take what I say to heart unless it makes sense to you in some weird way.
Blessings to you and your family.
Darren O. Salmon
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